What Next?

High School- Check
Engineering - Check
Job – Check
Now- What???

Job was fine because it was paying me to survive in a metro. Who doesn’t like the color of money but there needs to be a way by which I can work less & earn more. I mean who doesn’t want a job that pays you for doing nothing. After my college there was a long period during which I was doing just that – “Nothing”; but then I was not earning though. At first it wasn’t all that bad & I guess it never is bad unless people start comparing you to the others in a job & earning a handsome package. I cared a damn because I knew what I needed from life; but somehow I realized my limitations & settled for a job less fortunate. It was a trying period & worked my ass out to land myself in a “labeled” or “branded” company. Having shifted three companies I realize ‘Now What’; where next, will I just be changing jobs in order to get a better package, or a better boss, where does this stop? Will a company ever pay me a package with which I will be satisfied? Will I get a friend in my next boss? Will I get a job I would love going to for reasons other than money? Woops I guess the list is endless, & yes trust me there is always a next level to the salary or the boss & you can never be satisfied with the 2 anomalies. Successful people who say they love their jobs & are satisfied are lying. It is human nature & he can never be satisfied.

What Next- Do I study further? What if I have lost it? What if books could never be my friend again? What if after further studies in the hope of getting to a position faster I stand at the same position that I might reach working at the same company within the same time frame? What is more important education or experience? What gets you to places- education or experience? I can tire myself with these questions & yet I stand at the abyss when it comes to the answers; for there are no correct answers. Different people might answer it differently according to what worked for them.

I have done stupid things with my life & there was a time when I messed up real bad but God was there to hold me each time I fell(not everyone is that lucky & still I blame that I am unlucky). I have done what ever pleased my heart. A free radical floating with the winds, a free thinker, a revolutionist at times, a rather somber person at the other times. I used to take life as it was presented to me & I used to enjoy it, every bit of it. What happened to the jovial me? What went wrong? Where did my smile get left out? Why do I lose my calm when earlier temper was not to be found in my dictionary? What triggers me?

How do I break free? How do I just leave everything & go to say Hawaii for a vocation.

Ok, there is a lizard in my room & it is 12 midnight so I can’t write now; not because of the time but because of the creepy thing. God if you wanted someone to eat insects & mosquitoes to maintain the ecological balance then couldn’t you make it cute, I mean why a lizard for heaven sake. Yukks!

Memory Rot

I was speaking to my brother’s school friend over the phone; the same school that I went to. My rother told me his friends name-Anand, I was like who Anand; I didn’t recollect who I was talking to. Anand genuinely asked me over the phone that do I remember him & the honest person that I am I bluntly said NO. Well how could I lie. Anand was like c’mon how can you forget me & I was like hey I am not supposed to remember everybody on planet earth. He gave me certain clues but my memory just went for a toss. I told him that if he comes before me then I would certainly recognize him but currently I cannot recollect. He was certainly disappointed & disheartened. C’mon now you guys can’t blame me. It has been more than a decade since I was out of school & this was in my early schooling days. Suddenly out of the blue I remembered him & I told him that I remember him. I told him all about him & he was so relieved & then we kept talking for around 20 minutes; it was as if I had met some old lost friend over the phone. We were both happy. He said-“In college days you used to hardly speak & now looking at the way you speak it doesn’t seem you are the same Vikram”. Compliment

Sometimes & now a day’s most of the times I don’t remember a lot of things; or at least I think I don’t; both being equally worse. I had logged on to a colleagues PC because my PC wouldn’t let me open the famous internet entertainment website ‘You Tube” & boring as office is meant to be; with no one to talk to on a gloomy Sunday I thought of watching my favorite genre of movies ‘Horror’; I missed out on 1920 as i got a mixed response about it. So not willing to take a change to do away with the cash for ticket I thought it would be wise to watch it this way. So all thanks to You tube I was able to catch up on it. Ok so I was on the 12th part & I had to attend to natures call so I went to pee after locking my PC. I came back with the effect of someone watching me or following me in the deserted office. It was maddening; but I chose to get into this situation after watching the movie so no one else was to blame; & I hate to blame myself. I would just go mum with the mirrors reflecting back me on myself & deep within I was praying to god that it was only me. God; I didn’t want this creepy feeling in a secluded office where the human trace was bare to minimum, & the effect was such that if two humans ever crossed path they would wither jump or be so amused to see another of its kind on a Sunday. Well after dodging the mind spirits that were after me I put down my weight on a chair & let out a sigh of relief. I was thrilled that now I could see the concluding part of the movie. I entered the password & it didn’t work, again I entered & again it didn’t authenticate me. I paused to think what the password actually was & I was blank. My mind failed to give me even a trace of what the password was. The password which I so clearly remember a while ago had now gone miles away that I couldn’t run to catch it, any hint of trying to remember it would throw me further apart & I gave up since entering three invalid passwords would lock the account out & this was clearly a thing I didn’t want to happen especially when it was the only source of entertainment in the otherwise empty workplace. Called up my colleague to help me out & as soon as he told me the password I was like hey I knew this.