What Next?

High School- Check
Engineering - Check
Job – Check
Now- What???

Job was fine because it was paying me to survive in a metro. Who doesn’t like the color of money but there needs to be a way by which I can work less & earn more. I mean who doesn’t want a job that pays you for doing nothing. After my college there was a long period during which I was doing just that – “Nothing”; but then I was not earning though. At first it wasn’t all that bad & I guess it never is bad unless people start comparing you to the others in a job & earning a handsome package. I cared a damn because I knew what I needed from life; but somehow I realized my limitations & settled for a job less fortunate. It was a trying period & worked my ass out to land myself in a “labeled” or “branded” company. Having shifted three companies I realize ‘Now What’; where next, will I just be changing jobs in order to get a better package, or a better boss, where does this stop? Will a company ever pay me a package with which I will be satisfied? Will I get a friend in my next boss? Will I get a job I would love going to for reasons other than money? Woops I guess the list is endless, & yes trust me there is always a next level to the salary or the boss & you can never be satisfied with the 2 anomalies. Successful people who say they love their jobs & are satisfied are lying. It is human nature & he can never be satisfied.

What Next- Do I study further? What if I have lost it? What if books could never be my friend again? What if after further studies in the hope of getting to a position faster I stand at the same position that I might reach working at the same company within the same time frame? What is more important education or experience? What gets you to places- education or experience? I can tire myself with these questions & yet I stand at the abyss when it comes to the answers; for there are no correct answers. Different people might answer it differently according to what worked for them.

I have done stupid things with my life & there was a time when I messed up real bad but God was there to hold me each time I fell(not everyone is that lucky & still I blame that I am unlucky). I have done what ever pleased my heart. A free radical floating with the winds, a free thinker, a revolutionist at times, a rather somber person at the other times. I used to take life as it was presented to me & I used to enjoy it, every bit of it. What happened to the jovial me? What went wrong? Where did my smile get left out? Why do I lose my calm when earlier temper was not to be found in my dictionary? What triggers me?

How do I break free? How do I just leave everything & go to say Hawaii for a vocation.

Ok, there is a lizard in my room & it is 12 midnight so I can’t write now; not because of the time but because of the creepy thing. God if you wanted someone to eat insects & mosquitoes to maintain the ecological balance then couldn’t you make it cute, I mean why a lizard for heaven sake. Yukks!

Memory Rot

I was speaking to my brother’s school friend over the phone; the same school that I went to. My rother told me his friends name-Anand, I was like who Anand; I didn’t recollect who I was talking to. Anand genuinely asked me over the phone that do I remember him & the honest person that I am I bluntly said NO. Well how could I lie. Anand was like c’mon how can you forget me & I was like hey I am not supposed to remember everybody on planet earth. He gave me certain clues but my memory just went for a toss. I told him that if he comes before me then I would certainly recognize him but currently I cannot recollect. He was certainly disappointed & disheartened. C’mon now you guys can’t blame me. It has been more than a decade since I was out of school & this was in my early schooling days. Suddenly out of the blue I remembered him & I told him that I remember him. I told him all about him & he was so relieved & then we kept talking for around 20 minutes; it was as if I had met some old lost friend over the phone. We were both happy. He said-“In college days you used to hardly speak & now looking at the way you speak it doesn’t seem you are the same Vikram”. Compliment

Sometimes & now a day’s most of the times I don’t remember a lot of things; or at least I think I don’t; both being equally worse. I had logged on to a colleagues PC because my PC wouldn’t let me open the famous internet entertainment website ‘You Tube” & boring as office is meant to be; with no one to talk to on a gloomy Sunday I thought of watching my favorite genre of movies ‘Horror’; I missed out on 1920 as i got a mixed response about it. So not willing to take a change to do away with the cash for ticket I thought it would be wise to watch it this way. So all thanks to You tube I was able to catch up on it. Ok so I was on the 12th part & I had to attend to natures call so I went to pee after locking my PC. I came back with the effect of someone watching me or following me in the deserted office. It was maddening; but I chose to get into this situation after watching the movie so no one else was to blame; & I hate to blame myself. I would just go mum with the mirrors reflecting back me on myself & deep within I was praying to god that it was only me. God; I didn’t want this creepy feeling in a secluded office where the human trace was bare to minimum, & the effect was such that if two humans ever crossed path they would wither jump or be so amused to see another of its kind on a Sunday. Well after dodging the mind spirits that were after me I put down my weight on a chair & let out a sigh of relief. I was thrilled that now I could see the concluding part of the movie. I entered the password & it didn’t work, again I entered & again it didn’t authenticate me. I paused to think what the password actually was & I was blank. My mind failed to give me even a trace of what the password was. The password which I so clearly remember a while ago had now gone miles away that I couldn’t run to catch it, any hint of trying to remember it would throw me further apart & I gave up since entering three invalid passwords would lock the account out & this was clearly a thing I didn’t want to happen especially when it was the only source of entertainment in the otherwise empty workplace. Called up my colleague to help me out & as soon as he told me the password I was like hey I knew this.

Why Ohh Why-Its Over

Take a bow, the night is over This masquerade is getting older Light are low, the curtain's down There's no one here (There's no one here, there's no one in the crowd) Say your lines but do you feel them Do you mean what you say when there's no one around (no one around) Watching you, watching me, one lonely star (One lonely star you don't know who you are)
I've always been in love with you (always with you) I guess you've always known it's true (you know it's true) You took my love for granted, why oh why The show is over, say good-bye
Say good-bye (bye bye), say good-bye

Make them laugh, it comes so easy When you get to the part Where you're breaking my heart (breaking my heart) Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown (Just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown) Wish you well, I cannot stay You deserve an award for the role that you played (role that you played) No more masquerade, you're one lonely star (One lonely star and you don't know who you are)
Say good-bye (bye bye), say good-bye
All the world is a stage (world is a stage) And everyone has their part (has their part) But how was I to know which way the story'd go How was I to know you'd break (You'd break, you'd break, you'd break) You'd break my heart
I've always been in love with you (I've always been in love with you) Guess you've always known You took my love for granted, why oh why The show is over, say good-bye
Say good-bye (bye bye), say good-bye Say good-bye

Bindra My Hero

Abhinav Bindra won the Gold & yet has his feet firmly grounded. That’s a hero, a shy human, those eyes which shot him to fame, have a story to tell. People just crib of being less fortunate & would blame their shortcoming for their defeat, taming your shortcomings to your advantage is what winners do & so did Abhinav, how else can you imagine a person with minus point vision to aim so perfectly. A lot is done by the atheletes but this is different. Abhinav not only did India proud but instantly became my Hero. He was there, did his work with his utmost sinceretly & dedication, won it & came back. He didn’t intend to hog the limelight, which so rightfully was his. His perfect moment… standing on the dice at the first position to receive the mendallion & his eyes shone with Prideof having accomplished something for his nation. He wore the medal & India had an overnight hero. Hats off to Bindra for having accomplished something of such genre without any government backing. He is a self made man, & his accomplishements are his to cherish & are totally to his credit, that’s the reason you can see his eyes swell with pride & the golden lusture in his eyes. I believes success can make a person blind but here success makes no difference on him & inspires him to achieve more. India, & not only India the world needs such heroes.

Rakhi

Yesterday was busy…took my family to a sweet shop for purchasing sweets for Rakhi….not sure of the time they took but to brief it up-they took way too long. I always thought ladies could spend the whole day shopping, but hello here we are talking of buying Rakhi sweets & only one shop to choose from & still the time they took was enormous & defiantly massive. Then it came to choosing Rakhis & I am sure all of the guys who have sisters have experienced the mixed emotions while talking their sister out to buy rakhis that they just cant make up their minds on which one to take. They will like a rakhi & then will waste 2 hours finding a better one & then will be contented with the one they laid their eyes on earlier & will walk away with it as if it was the most priced & uniques ornament that would embrace their brother’s wrist. Well tired & then had to pick up my cousin who was coming to do the Rakhi rituals. Told her to get off at IFFCO chowk without realizing it would be a mess to spot her(but perhaps that was the best & most convenient place for her to reach). Tried hard to explain at what corner I was waiting, she didn’t have a clue. We waited & then after much waiting & after much phonecall exchanges she happened to reach the right me. It was a long story, she got off at a road before the one I told her to get off & then she had this weird thing that she was standing at the place I told her to stand. She was standing at the place but she had a different frame of refernce from mine. Ohh tiring enough….off we go to our home…..Oops Buddy was alone alone for hours…he had to do his business so got home & took him for a stroll…..ok so my cousinn had bought a chinese cell which had 8 speakers….massive gigantic sound it made….amusing….it kept me hooked for a couple of hours……then ofcourse I realised I wanted to watch some TV…..which further tired me down to my ankles. Dinner was late as all were tired & bhabhi was working on a lot of dishes…..woops finally the day wrapped up & I slept only to get up at 5AM & get ready for office……office was smooth….but yes I felt tired and lazy & had a slight headache from the non alcoholic hangover…seems I needed to catch up on my sleep. Work in office is done but look at the stupid rules….you need to spend 9 hours in office whether you have work or not, whether you like it or not, the stupid system of Time in & Time out, makes me feel I am still in some school. Well waiting to complete those 9 hours to be finally home & just drop dead on my creaky bed if at all it is possible.
Sometimes a creaky sound could be a lullaby; it is just what I need.

Laugh

I have often observed that now i dont laugh as much....jokes dont seem funny anymore...a lot of it is just the old stuff in a different packing.....we just unwrap to discover that there is nothing new to tickle our senses.....where has all the fun gone.....now a days i just smile at jokes instead of laughing.....are the jokes tooo trivial or is it me who just doesnt appreciate the quality of a good laugh.....as far as i can tread the memory lane i dont recollect a time when i had a hearty laugh....i have lost it.....thats the reason i just laugh at myself.....i guess if you can laugh at yourself then thats the best think you can do......as you will always be happy about you....in todays world nobody likes if you laugh on them....but i guess you wont mind if you laugh at yourself.

Life

Life
I am not sure what is wrong & at what pace things should be going & at what pace the things are actually going & they are heading where…..leading a dull life bores me to my soul….try to reflect and see the mirror losing out on the luster, tried to clean the dusty mirror but then the dust has gathered on me, the mirror goes on to reflect a dull lifeless image & I pause to finally realize that it is me…..
The once all ambitious guy has bogged down to earn just enough cash to take care of the household and family & in turn ends up doing stuff that never fascinated him in the first go. Things that are too mundane and banal….things that I thought I would never be doing & things that I think I would never end up saying have become a day to day regime. Intentions are never to hurt a noble soul but then not many around are noble and considering that I have to speak my mind & anyone who says a thing that is unjust & hard for me to digest will have a piece of my mind. My friends know me as a free thinker & they know that I am least bothered about the consequences as long as I know I am right. I know it is a lonely battle when fighting for the right cause comes into play but then somebody has to tread the path. Dad always taught me to be a free thinker & a brave soul, he inculcated in me the human values that I am so proud of today. He would never have me bear injustice and would have me fight.
In a world which is filled with flatterers & maskakhors I beg to take a different stand; for by doing so I could never do never insult my upbringing. I do my work with utmost dignity & honesty and to the best of ability & then leave the rest to God. God failed to get me a good appraisal this time; but then look at the positive side i end up paying less taxes. I believe that flattery could benefit you in the short term but in the long term you could just land in ‘Neverland’.
Friends are a gift especially when they are the right ones. In a world where people keep falling out of relationships every second day there is a relief people find in friends. A friend can lift your spirts just like that.

Passing thought- What If

Here is what i wrote after i got a feeka response for my Blog about New Year Resolutions
http://vikram.invincible.googlepages.com/passingthought-whatif

New Year Resolutions

Aout new year resolutions of 2008
http://vikram.invincible.googlepages.com/home

Dad

Here is a blog i wrote about Dad....hope you like it.
http://vikram.invincible.googlepages.com/dad

CO2

I was just walking my dog one late evening and i went bizzarely talking to him. I know it was ridiculous to talk to him especially because he has not been trained in the languages. I guess once the relationship develops then you simply can understand how the other socail animal/animal feels or wants to communicate. I guess then the language barrier shifts from English or Hindi type of a rhetorical language to the language of the heart.

He wanted to pee real bad and went close to a tree. Hey Buddy Good boy Buddy; buddy being my dog's name. I used to encourage him to do his morning and evening stuff on the streets as he was not accoustomed to keeping the house clean. He just likes to keep the streets clean unfortunately the house messy. If you know what i mean. On the rarest of occasions does he go to a tree to lift his leg up. A rather good dog; but then he doesnt mind dirtying our lawn.

As Buddy went close to a tree i went on to explain him the goodness of Mother nature and that the trees are here for a purpose & they provide us with Oxygen, the vital source of life and existence of all the flaura & fauna, but then i realized that it was not day time and the tree must be emitting out doses of CO2. I went on to explain him that CO2 was not good and thats the reason people should not sleep under the trees at night. So i just pulled his leash across real fast so as to avoid him going close to the tree as if the CO2 would choke his lungs with it. Buddy hadn't a clue and was confused; he looked at me as if to say "Hey Dude wassup". He looked at me with questioning eyes and instead of the tree as a treat i took him to some bushes as a consolidatory prize. He was small and i knew he was playfull. It is fun to be around Buddy. He teaches me lots of stuff. That day it just made me wonder what would be the time the tree starts emitting CO2. I mean is it at 12 midnight; or is it when the sun sets?; is it when the tree is in the dark? Will the tree get confused when a bulb is lit close to a tree & it would mistake it for the sun? Will such a tree never give out CO2, and thus can global warnming be reduced?